Do You Have an Inner Bully? On Silencing Negative Self Talk...

 

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. Many of us speak to ourselves in hurtful ways, using words we wouldn’t dream of using with others. This relentless negative self-talk manifests itself in our daily lives, causing stress and harm to our inner selves, and ultimately to those around us.

How we communicate with others is, as we all know, incredibly important, but how we communicate with ourselves is equally critical to our wellbeing. By learning how to talk to ourselves with a mindful, compassionate voice, we can not only free ourselves from our harmful self-talk, but also expand our abilities to communicate on a more honest, mindful level with others.

The Practice of Listening

The first step in the process is becoming fully aware of our own inner bully through the art of mindful listening. Many of us have been living with our negative self-talk for so long that it can be difficult to even notice it right away. Mindfulness is the practice of being fully aware of the present moment with nonjudgmental attention, and this practice can help us cultivate personal awareness. Applying this practice to moments when you are feeling sad, angry, guilty, ashamed, etc. allows you to be a gentle witness to your inner dialogue. It’s in these times of suffering that we turn on ourselves, and by paying mindful attention to our inner voice during these difficult moments, we begin to see repeating phrases and patterns in the way we talk to ourselves and can then begin the work of naming and changing these inner habits.

The Practice of Exploration

After we’ve begun the process of mindfully naming our negative self-talk, we are ready to dive into the practice of exploring the root causes of the hurtful things we say to ourselves. Exposing these underlying issues can help us alleviate a lot of suffering in our lives. Explorers set out to discover and reveal; what are the beliefs or ideas you may be holding onto that are at the heart of your negative self-talk? What past experiences or societal influences may be behind your self-judgment?

The Practice of Questioning

The next step works in concert with the practice of exploration. Once we have identified our underlying beliefs and ideas that are causing us to lash out at ourselves, we can apply specific questions whenever our inner bully begins to tear us down. These questions are designed to help us pinpoint the stories we tell ourselves as a result of our inner judgment and focus instead on what is actually true. Asking good questions is a key part of communicating with others, and it can be a key part of communicating with ourselves as well. Some of the questions we might ask ourselves would be, “what judgment am I making,” “what story am I telling myself as a result of this judgment,” and “what do I know to be true?”

The Practice of Releasing

There is a lot of hard work in these first three practices, and now we are ready to let go of the destructive beliefs and stories that have given rise to our negative self-talk. By setting down the burden of negative self-talk and replacing it with truthful and compassionate self-talk instead, we can begin the work of being friends with ourselves rather than enemies. Now is the time to ask ourselves if we are clinging to our negative self-talk because it’s become a familiar and comfortable habit. We may also have created an identity for ourselves around our beliefs and stories, and it may be difficult to let go of that identity and see ourselves from a new perspective. This is where the power of forgiveness and compassion can help us mend our relationship with ourselves and open our hearts to new ways of being.

The Practice of Balance

Finally, we are ready to adopt new habits and new ways of communicating with ourselves that are more in tune with the self-compassionate person we aspire to be. Some of these habits might include replacing judgmental language with simple observational language, or inserting positive phrases into our inner dialogue every morning. Practicing this balance doesn’t mean replacing chronic negativity with positive affirmations that aren’t true for us, but it can involve looking for positivity and optimism in our daily lives in order to give our inner dialogue some sense of equilibrium.

Ready to learn more about these five mindful practices and silence your judgmental inner voice for good? Cynthia Kane’s book Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist is available now from all major retailers as well as from our website here.

What are the Secrets to Healthy and Happy Relationships? Find out below...


 

The seven secrets to healthy, happy relationships—commitment, freedom, awareness, healing, joy, communication, and release—can help you at any stage in your intimate partnering, whether you’ve been with someone for many years or are currently single and want to prepare for a partnership. While much of what we have to say will focus on romantic relationships, the truth is that these seven principles can help you create deeper and more meaningful connections in all of your relationships.

The first three secrets— commitment, freedom, and awareness̶̶̶̶—are what we call the foundational secrets.  In our view, these are the bedrock upon which all healthy relationships are built. As you read them, you may notice some areas in your thinking and actions around relationships that need improvement. The good news is that these first three secrets can show you how to repair  faulty foundations, and replace old ideas and beliefs with new and stronger beams of support going forward.

Commitment- This foundational secret is not what most people think. Making a commitment to yourself rather than anyone else is the first step in creating a healthy and happy relationship. Instead of trying to change or mold yourself into who you think others want you to be, commit to finding out who you really are and what you really want. From this place of self knowledge and self love, you can then fully commit to another. The key is in releasing the areas in which you judge yourself or play the victim, and taking full responsibility for your own happiness.

Freedom- As you commit to loving and accepting yourself for who you really are, your next step is to extend this same freedom to your partner, supporting them to be true to themselves. This includes giving up any of the subtle or not so subtle ways you may try and manipulate them into behaving as you think they should. This doesn't mean you won't set boundaries of what you will and will not accept in a relationship, but in allowing your partner the freedom to be their true self, you will instead reveal the deep truth that intimacy thrives when couples feel free to be who they really are.

Awareness- Until you become aware of what is going on inside you, including things like your unconscious beliefs, subterranean fears, and old emotional wounds, they will continue to pop up and create problems in your relationships, making it very difficult to form a deep partnership with another. The good news is that the very act of becoming aware of them lessens their hold on you. Awareness also helps you expand your conscious understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and your relationship deal breakers. This self-knowledge is crucial in building a strong foundation to your partnership.

The next three secrets— healing, joy, and communication—are the transformative secrets. When you bring the teachings and tools we provide in these chapters into your interactions with others, you can prepare for a future partnership, improve and enhance an existing union, or rebuild the framework of even the most damaged structures, transforming them into a clean, spacious, and sturdy way of being.

Healing-   By the time we reach adulthood, virtually all humans have experienced some type of profound loss, traumatic experience, or deep emotional wound. If we push these experiences deep inside us rather than heal from them, that trapped pain will fester and eventually erupt in the form of an emotional or even physical outburst, often at the expense of our unsuspecting partners. Healing from these past experiences, as well as any unhelpful beliefs they have created, is the first secret to transforming your relationship with others and yourself.

Joy- We’d all like to experience joy in our lives, and this is especially true for our relationships. In fact, the pursuit of joy is often what prompts us to seek a relationship in the first place. This chapter discusses concrete ways to cultivate joy in your romantic relationships, such as creativity, play, and sexual pleasure. Creating joy is often the key to transforming relationships that have grown stagnant, and the regular practice of it will help your relationship feel fresh, new, and vibrant.

Communication- While communication is one of the most useful human gifts, it’s surprising how many of us struggle to communicate in healthy and productive ways when it comes to our intimate relationships. Sure, most of us do well when it comes to things we agree about or that we share in common— but the greater challenge is to converse with each other in the midst of issues or topics that challenge or divide us. Learning how to speak our truth, even when our partners don't like what we have to say, is often the most difficult. The tools in this chapter will help you do exactly that.

The seventh and final secret— release—provides guidance on nourishing your relationship on an ongoing basis. This last secret is where you learn the skills to perform the necessary and sustaining maintenance that will keep the construction of your relationship solid, even in the midst of changing and challenging times.

Release- This secret can seem paradoxical in nature, because it often involves not doing rather than doing.  Our relationships offer us hundreds of little ways to release what we often want to hold on to, such as the need to be right, the need to have the last word, and most importantly, the need for things to stay the same. The truth is that change is a constant in life. Sometimes these changes are trivial, sometimes they are momentous; but couples in happy and healthy relationships embrace the constant of change rather than fight it, while simultaneously honoring the part of each other that stays the same. Release is the key to balance between loving the static and the loving the change.

Ready to dive in and learn more? The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships is available now from all major retailers as well as from our website here. AND, if you order a special multi-book package from our website, you can order The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships for just $10 (including free shipping the US)!

Or click here to read the first two chapters and learn more about the foundational secrets, Commitment and Freedom!

 

Awaken Your Inner Fire

Your Inner Fire is the vital energy within you, the unseen force that gives life to your being. Perhaps because this energy can't be measured in a lab, many people live without any idea of its existence, or the importance of tending to it.

In this groundbreaking book, best-selling author HeatherAsh Amara introduces you to the fundamentals of your Inner Fire, and explains how the four major aspects of your being--the mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical--all interact with this powerful energy.

Amara teaches that when you view these four aspects through the lens of your Inner Fire, you can radically change how you think, feel, and live in the world. In these pages, you'll find practices, meditations, and explorations to put the concepts to work in your life.

By tending to your Inner Fire, you will learn how to:

  • Find your true work in the world, regardless of any job you do or role you play.
  • Use your Inner Fire as your own personal North Star, allowing it to guide you when making important decisions.
  • Move beyond busyness, stress, and overwhelm and live in joyous creation
  • Implement a new daily practice to live in balance no matter what life brings.

Learning how to tend your Inner Fire in a world that is constantly trying to hook your attention is a challenge--but this book invites you to take new perspective on who you are and how you relate to the world.

About the Author:

HeatherAsh Amara is a teacher, guide, and author of numerous books. As the founder of the Toltec Center for Creative Intent (toci.org), she has facilitated hundreds of workshops in the Toltec tradition and taught extensively with don Miguel Ruiz.

The Gratitude Formula

For many of us, success can feel unattainable, as though others were given a secret that the rest of us are missing. But author May McCarthy says that success is a system, not a secret.

In The Gratitude Formula, McCarthy offers a definable, practical system that you can put to use every day to achieve success in your relationships, career, finances, health, personal pursuits, spiritual growth, and virtually any other aspect of your life.

While her method is built upon starting each day with a grateful heart, the details of her 7-step practice are unlike anything you've ever seen before, and McCarthy teaches that implementing them on a daily basis is the key to creating a life that you love.

In The Gratitude Formula, you will learn how to:

  • CREATE POWERFUL, PRACTICAL, AND ACHIEVABLE GOALS
  • DEVELOP YOUR SPIRITUAL INTUITION TO HELP YOU MANIFEST AND ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS
  • UNTANGLE FROM ANY DOUBTS, FEARS, OR BEHAVIORS THAT ARE HOLDING YOU BACK FROM ABUNDANCE
  • SAY YES TO PROSPERITY AND LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES

McCarthy's experience as a business strategist and successful entrepreneur has given her the tools to create success in her life and for her clients, and now she shares those tools in this book.

The instructions contained in The Gratitude Formula are simple and clear, and if you follow them daily, you can begin to receive abundance and create a life you love.

About the Author:

MAY McCARTHY has co-founded and grown seven successful companies in a variety of industries to as large as 250 employees with over $100 million in annual revenue. She credits her successes to the spiritual principles that are found in this book, and now dedicates her life to sharing these principles with others. Learn more at www.maymccarthy.com

Wisdom of the Shamans

For generation after generation, Toltec shamans have passed down their wisdom through teaching stories. The purpose of these stories is to implant a seed of knowledge in the mind of the listener, where it can ultimately sprout and blossom into a new and better way of life.

In The Wisdom of the Shamans: What the Ancient Masters Can Teach Us about Love and Life, Toltec shaman and master storyteller don Jose Ruiz shares some of the most popular stories from his family’s oral tradition, and offers corresponding lessons that illustrate the larger ideas within each story.

Ruiz begins by explaining that contrary to the stereotypical image of “witchdoctor,” the ancient shamans were men and women who fulfilled several roles within their communities: philosopher, spiritual guide, medical doctor, psychologist, and friend.

According to Ruiz, their teachings are not primitive or reserved for a chosen few initiates, but are instead a powerful series of lessons on love and life that are available us all. To that aim, he has included exercises, meditations, and shamanic rituals in an effort to help you experience the personal transformation these stories offer.

The shamans taught that the truth you seek is inside of you. Let these stories, lessons, and tools be your guide to finding the innate wisdom that lives within.

About the Author

don Jose Ruiz was born in Mexico City and raised in Tijuana, Mexico. When he was 21, he came to live in the United States with his father, don Miguel Ruiz. He lectures and gives workshops around the world and dedicates his life to sharing the ancient Toltec wisdom by translating it into practical, everyday life concepts that promote transformation through truth, love, and common sense. He is the coauthor, with his father, of The Fifth Agreement.

A little book on Big Freedom

Air | Fire | Water | Earth

The four primordial elements not only inform our physical lives, but they are also potent symbols for aspects of our inner selves. When we learn to harness their power correctly, they can lead us toward radical personal transformation, or what best-selling author HeatherAsh Amara refers to as Big Freedom.

Drawing on her extensive background in European and Toltec shamanism, Amara deftly explores each of the four elements and explains how they relate to your inner world:

Packed with exercises and meditations at the end of each chapter, this book offers a clear path to finding your own Big Freedom, one that involves tearing down any inner walls made of fear, judgment, or regret, and building a profound friendship with your truest self.

The Gnostic Mystery

An ancient mystery in todays Middle East . . . Jack Staunton, an American businessman, makes a pilgrimage to war-torn Israel in hopes of rekindling his Christian faith.

While traveling with his friend Punjeeh, an ER doctor from Jerusalem, Jack acquires an ancient scroll written by the Gnostics, a mystical group of early Christians, and his spiritual quest takes an unexpected turn. The scroll makes the startling claims that the Gnostics were the original followers of Jesus, and that they retained secret knowledge of Jesus that was not included in the Bible.

With the help of the ingenious Chloe Eisenberg, a professor of Philosophy and Religion, Jack and Punjeeh navigate the dangerous terrain of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict in an attempt to decipher the puzzle of the scroll and bring the Gnostics revelations about Jesus to light. Threaded with the searing realities of today’s Middle East, The Gnostic Mystery is packed with historical facts about the Christian religion. The thrilling mystery makes a compelling case that the origins of Christianity are far different than we believed . . . until now.

About the Author:

Randy Davila is the President of Hierophant Publishing and Hampton Roads Publishing Company.

Between the two publishing houses, he has overseen the publication of books by authors such as don Miguel Ruiz jr., Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Neale Donald Walsch, Richard Bach, Jack Canfield, and many more. Randy regularly teaches author workshops at venues around the country. For his current lecture schedule, please visit www.insighteventsusa.com

Randy graduated with distinction from the Classics, Philosophy, and Religion department at the University of Mary Washington in Virginia, where he co-founded and wrote for the award-winning publication The Free Press. His spiritual short stories have received the Place of Peace award. He lives in Boerne, Texas, with his wife Rachel, daughters Mia and Charlie, and their dog Teddy.

Rumi’s Little Book of Love

Rumi, one of the most celebrated mystics of all time, chose poetry to communicate his deep spiritual experiences.

His language, that of love in its purest form, speaks to us today as it did seven hundred years ago, surpassing time and bridging cultures.

These poems, most of them translated into English for the first time from the original Persian, were carefully selected from two thousand of Rumi’s quatrains.

Arranged thematically, they take us on a journey of the soul.

Persian calligraphy enhances the beauty of the poems.

Discover the depths of a mystic’s soul. Fly with him on his beloved’s wings.

Fall with him into the despair and fear of losing his beloved forever.

Discover the beauty and love contained in this wonderful little book of poetry.

Time Loops and Space Twists: How God created the Universe

In his most important book since Taking the Quantum Leap, Fred Alan Wolf, PhD. , will explain how our understanding of time, space and matter have changed in just the last few years, and how with these new ideas we have a glimpse into the “mind of God.”

Making comparisons to Hindu Vedic and Judeo-Christian cosmology, Dr. Wolf explains how the universal command of the Deity “Let there be light” now takes on a new scientific meaning: Everything is literally made of light and the reader will learn how Quantum Physics proves this is so.

While This is a book for lay people, with numerous illustrations using cartoon characters throughout the text to illustrate the ideas presented. Written in everyday language and using simple mathematical examples, this book explain some of the new and best ideas Quantum Physics has to offer.

About the Author:

Fred Alan Wolf, Ph.D. works as a physicist, writer, and lecturer. His work in quantum physics and consciousness is well known through his popular and scientific writing. He is the author of fourteen books, including Taking the Quantum Leap, which was the recipient of the prestigious National Book Award for Science.

Dr. Wolf also appears in a number of movies, including What the Bleep do We Know?, a full length feature film staring Oscar winner Marlee Matlin, and the follow-up film Down the Rabbit Hole, as well as the now famous DVD The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

Invoking the Archangels: A Nine-Step Process to Heal Your Body, Mind and Soul

No one is truly alone. Every person can, at any moment, call upon not only one Archangel but seven specific Archangels to bring blessings and protection – you just need to learn how to ask. In this instructional book, Sunny Dawn Johnston will show you how to call out to each individual Archangel, to know them by name, and to develop your own special relationship with every one of them. Sunny details the qualities, gifts, and traits of each of the seven Archangels, and in her heartwarming prose, she forms a clear picture of the abundant energy, vibration and unconditional love that each of the Archangels have for us.

Through the inspirational Nine Steps, Sunny guides the reader from a place of low vibration, pain or darkness into the healing light and everyday presence of the Archangels. She surrounds these teachings with vibrant, personal insights from her own story – including the poignant memories of when she herself first began to call out to the Archangels and opened herself to receiving their love and guidance.

Read Invoking the Archangels to learn how to call upon the Archangels with an open heart and experience transformation of body, mind and soul.

About the Author:

Sunny Dawn Johnston is a psychic medium and spiritual teacher. She is the founder of Sunlight Alliance LLC., a spiritual teaching and healing center in Glendale, AZ. Sunny has been featured on many television and radio shows including Coast to Coast with George Noory and Good Morning Arizona. She has hosted an international radio show as well as two Internet radio shows. Visit Sunny at www.sunnydawnjohnston.com.